6 Stages Of A Breakup

6 Stages Of A Breakup

Breakups. Chances are we have all gone through them by now and if you haven’t, then you are the exception. Today, I want to touch upon the type of break up that happens when both you and your partner are still in love with each other, and are forced to part ways because either one of you messed up, or life simply got in the way. More specifically, this list deals with that intoxicating first love– the absolute hardest to move on from. There are distinct stages in a break up that I went through, and can vouch on from personal experience. Shortly thereafter, my friends experienced the same stages as I did with peculiar similarity, which made me realize that these feelings are common and okay (or maybe my friends and I are just unusually dramatic).
Disclaimer: There are boring couples that have peaceful breakups in which they both fall out of love, and make a mutual decision to be apart. The following advice I will dispense does not apply to them.
1st stage- Initial shock: This is the part when you are still in denial. Your emotions have not kicked in yet, and thus you are neither sad nor happy. Numb is the best word I could use to describe this feeling. You might call a few friends and laugh about how you are single, and how much better you are without them. Bask in this feeling, as it is fleeting and you may not be prepared for the next stage.
2nd stage – Wake-up call: This is the part that you feel the brutal, heart-wrenching pain that you would not wish upon your worst enemy. The initial shock wore off, and now your real emotions are flowing in so rapidly that you do not know what to do with them. This feels like a bucket of ice cold water dumped over you, or a slap in the face, but worse—because physical pain pales in comparison to grief. Whether you were with them for 6 months or 3 years, you did a lot of growing up in this time, with someone that essentially shared half of your life. The result: you feel as though the second part of you is missing, and now you have to pick yourself back up, without really having a clue of who you are now that they are gone. The worst part of all of this is that people are telling you that everything is going to be okay—in a few months. A few months? HOW am I going to make it through a few months, when I could barely make it through today?
3rd stage- Desperation: This is the part that you do things you never imagined yourself doing. Remember when you heard a story about someone knocking on their boyfriend’s door at 3AM begging for them back, and laughed? You swore you would never do that, yet here you are. You said that people who get back with their cheating partners are stupid, but find yourself feeling like you literally cannot live without them. You thought you would have the strength to throw away some one that does you wrong, but that was before you fell in love. That is the thing about love; if intense enough, it can and will change all preconceived notions you held about relationships.
4th stage- Mingling: If the desperation stage failed to make them see how much you love them and need them back in your life, then chances are you will start mingling—and mingling hard. This is the initial high when you start realizing that there are other fish in the sea. You feel like you’re on top of the world—guys start complimenting you and you are feeding off of it. You think someone else will help you get over your ex, but I have news for you, only time heals. Most of the time, trying to get in a relationship fresh off a break up will go awry. The other person will make you miss your ex even more. You will start comparing, thinking of how much you miss your ex-lover’s scent, and how differently they kissed.
5th stage- Jealousy: Okay, so you have been sort-of fine for a while now. You are feeling good, and are sure that you are on the path to getting over him once and for all. All of a sudden you hear about him being with another girl, or you saw a suspicious picture, or you were doing some late night stalking on his twitter and noticed he’s been having back and forth conversation with a specific girl. Your heart sinks, and old emotions pour back in. Turns out you thought you were fine without him, but subconsciously you still care. It is crucial that you do not fall back into any of the above stages. Truth is, you ARE fine without him, and this is just a momentary rush of jealousy that will eventually pass if you could manage to be strong and get through it.
6th stage—A new day: Finally, you have reached the final stage. You can now hear his name without cringing, and hear about him and other girls, and feel perfectly fine. Maybe you’re ready to open up your heart again and embrace a new relationship. Perhaps you want to enjoy your own company for a change, focus on ultimately more important goals, and set higher standards for the next guy. I advise the latter, but this depends on you. What is important is that you came out of this a stronger person. Ultimately, you must remember that what is coming is better than what is gone. The same way he loved you, someone else will too, and even more! So try to find happiness within yourself, let life take its course, and keep in mind that whatever is meant to be will eventually be.